Stick to Your Dating Rules!

Most of us have our own rules we go by when doing online dating.  I recently broke two of mine on one date, with disastrous results!

The first thing about dating is that we need to know and understand ourselves.  I do.  However, I tend to be open-minded and try hard not to judge people.  I applied these principles and went against my own guidelines I set for myself in online dating.  The two rules I broke are not to date guys with tattoos because I find them slightly revolting and do not understand marring the body in such a way.  It’s not that I find all tattoos unappealing if they are done tastefully, but I am not a fan of the vast majority of them, so I tend to steer clear of what I find unattractive (as most everyone does).

The second rule I broke was not to date any man who has a photo of himself without a shirt.  Sorry, guys.  While there are a few women who are okay with this, most women I speak to on this subject do NOT want to see shirtless photos on a man’s online dating profile.  I am one of them.  Allow me to explain.  While you may argue that men are shirtless at the beach and it is acceptable, unless I see you at a beach, I do not need to see you without a shirt on.  Most women are online looking for a decent respectable man.  We want to feel you are one.

Okay, so back to my date.  He was not a guy I would typically date.  He had large tattoos across his shoulders and down his arms in his shirtless boating photos.  Okay, so now you may be thinking what is wrong with a shirtless boating photo.  Nothing, if you are sharing it with friends or on Facebook.  However, it is not necessary to post this type of photo on a dating site.  I get that you worked hard to get those abs and are proud of all that hard work, but putting it out there like that can also mean you are shallow – not a positive image to present.  You may be proud of that boat you own – that’s great!  Talk about it in your bio – most of you could use a little more meat in your bio, anyway!

When I arrived on my date, I found my date waiting for me at the bar as he said he would be.  I walked over and introduced myself (I am not shy).  When I sat down he asked how I recognized him.  I said he looked like his photos (thankfully, because sometimes they don’t).  He went on to say he was not sure if I would recognize him and maybe if he took his shirt off he would look more like his pictures.  I politely ignored this statement and kept the conversation going.  He made two more references to taking his shirt off and asked if I wanted to see him without his shirt on – I answered with a firm NO!  Look dude, I just met you and at this point I don’t even like you, and you are not making a good impression on me!

As the conversation progressed, we started talking about movies and seeing movies in the theater. He then asked me if I ever saw a particular movie.  I stated no.  He said we could watch it, but not in the theater – we could rent it.  Um…really? We just met.  Do you really think I am going anywhere alone with you?? And now you are really creeping me out!!

At this point I was more than a little annoyed at his antics.  I steered the conversation to expectations.  Explaining to him that my expectations are to find a man who wants to get to know ME – the me I refer to is between my ears.  Me, the human being;  me, the woman;  me, the person – NOT the objectification of an outward shell of who I am.  To this he argued that I am all wrong in my thinking and there is no man who will want to get to know me and not have sex.  Really?  I beg to differ.  I have met many respectable men over the years.  I certainly did not need this guy, who was more annoying than anything.

So what did I do next?  Well, since I knew what he had in mind and what was NOT going to happen, I did the one thing that was a surefire way to get rid of him – I told him I was a born-again virgin!  I sure did!  Well, I never saw a guy hightail it out of a date so fast.  He actually left me sitting at the bar by myself.  He did pay – but stiffed the bartender of a tip.  This was a first for me – I have NEVER had a guy skip out on the date before.  Hey, but there is always a first.

I had to laugh at the situation.  We always hear of things like this, but when it actually happens, it becomes laughable.  I stayed and chatted with the people around me.  The ladies sitting next to me thought my date and I were on different levels – we were.  The couple sitting on the other side who took his seat were glad they had each other and not dating anymore. The best part?  When I was sitting there chatting with the lovely people around me, I received a message from my date.  The message read, “I thought the date was going well.  You sure know how to ruin it.”   Wow!  Really?  He thought that was a good date?

From the minute I sat down, it was not a good date for me.  In the hour we were there he drank 2 beer and one shot – a little excessive for a first date and in under an hour, I think (he also told me he drank one before he left his house).  I had to field inappropriate remarks the whole conversation and it was clear we had little in common.  But for him, it was a good date?  I cannot imagine.  I am sure he sent that message so he could feel better about himself, and that is okay.  I don’t really put much credence to his message.  He was clearly not for me.

Back to the drawing board – and I will be sticking to my dating rules from now on!  No more exceptions.

Have you ever broken your rules and had something like this happen?  I would love to hear other people’s stories!

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