Most of us have our own rules we go by when doing online dating. I recently broke two of mine on one date, with disastrous results!
The first thing about dating is that we need to know and understand ourselves. I do. However, I tend to be open-minded and try hard not to judge people. I applied these principles and went against my own guidelines I set for myself in online dating. The two rules I broke are not to date guys with tattoos because I find them slightly revolting and do not understand marring the body in such a way. It’s not that I find all tattoos unappealing if they are done tastefully, but I am not a fan of the vast majority of them, so I tend to steer clear of what I find unattractive (as most everyone does).
The second rule I broke was not to date any man who has a photo of himself without a shirt. Sorry, guys. While there are a few women who are okay with this, most women I speak to on this subject do NOT want to see shirtless photos on a man’s online dating profile. I am one of them. Allow me to explain. While you may argue that men are shirtless at the beach and it is acceptable, unless I see you at a beach, I do not need to see you without a shirt on. Most women are online looking for a decent respectable man. We want to feel you are one.
Okay, so back to my date. He was not a guy I would typically date. He had large tattoos across his shoulders and down his arms in his shirtless boating photos. Okay, so now you may be thinking what is wrong with a shirtless boating photo. Nothing, if you are sharing it with friends or on Facebook. However, it is not necessary to post this type of photo on a dating site. I get that you worked hard to get those abs and are proud of all that hard work, but putting it out there like that can also mean you are shallow – not a positive image to present. You may be proud of that boat you own – that’s great! Talk about it in your bio – most of you could use a little more meat in your bio, anyway!
When I arrived on my date, I found my date waiting for me at the bar as he said he would be. I walked over and introduced myself (I am not shy). When I sat down he asked how I recognized him. I said he looked like his photos (thankfully, because sometimes they don’t). He went on to say he was not sure if I would recognize him and maybe if he took his shirt off he would look more like his pictures. I politely ignored this statement and kept the conversation going. He made two more references to taking his shirt off and asked if I wanted to see him without his shirt on – I answered with a firm NO! Look dude, I just met you and at this point I don’t even like you, and you are not making a good impression on me!
As the conversation progressed, we started talking about movies and seeing movies in the theater. He then asked me if I ever saw a particular movie. I stated no. He said we could watch it, but not in the theater – we could rent it. Um…really? We just met. Do you really think I am going anywhere alone with you?? And now you are really creeping me out!!
At this point I was more than a little annoyed at his antics. I steered the conversation to expectations. Explaining to him that my expectations are to find a man who wants to get to know ME – the me I refer to is between my ears. Me, the human being; me, the woman; me, the person – NOT the objectification of an outward shell of who I am. To this he argued that I am all wrong in my thinking and there is no man who will want to get to know me and not have sex. Really? I beg to differ. I have met many respectable men over the years. I certainly did not need this guy, who was more annoying than anything.
So what did I do next? Well, since I knew what he had in mind and what was NOT going to happen, I did the one thing that was a surefire way to get rid of him – I told him I was a born-again virgin! I sure did! Well, I never saw a guy hightail it out of a date so fast. He actually left me sitting at the bar by myself. He did pay – but stiffed the bartender of a tip. This was a first for me – I have NEVER had a guy skip out on the date before. Hey, but there is always a first.
I had to laugh at the situation. We always hear of things like this, but when it actually happens, it becomes laughable. I stayed and chatted with the people around me. The ladies sitting next to me thought my date and I were on different levels – we were. The couple sitting on the other side who took his seat were glad they had each other and not dating anymore. The best part? When I was sitting there chatting with the lovely people around me, I received a message from my date. The message read, “I thought the date was going well. You sure know how to ruin it.” Wow! Really? He thought that was a good date?
From the minute I sat down, it was not a good date for me. In the hour we were there he drank 2 beer and one shot – a little excessive for a first date and in under an hour, I think (he also told me he drank one before he left his house). I had to field inappropriate remarks the whole conversation and it was clear we had little in common. But for him, it was a good date? I cannot imagine. I am sure he sent that message so he could feel better about himself, and that is okay. I don’t really put much credence to his message. He was clearly not for me.
Back to the drawing board – and I will be sticking to my dating rules from now on! No more exceptions.
Have you ever broken your rules and had something like this happen? I would love to hear other people’s stories!