I recently attended a singles networking event and discussion. The topic was interesting enough, but as we went around the room I came to realize that the way I feel about relationships and marriage was quite different than others in the room. This could be partly because I was probably the youngest person in the room. But as I listened to others speak, I became saddened by the state of being single today.
You see, as I listened, it became abundantly clear that everyone in the room except me would be perfectly happy to either find someone to date and get along with, have a long-term relationship with, or live with. None of these options are acceptable to me. I want to get married. Of course, one must go through some of the above to get there, but the singles in this room made it very clear that they had no desire to get married (again). I left feeling very disenchanted with even the thought of dating. Were my expectations unrealistic for someone of a certain age? While I was younger than those present, I am considered what is solidly middle-aged. Could someone like me find love again? I will say, I still hold out that God has someone for me.
Listening to the conversations, most in the room have been in marriages that lasted for some length of time or were recently back in the dating scene. As for me, I have been looking for marriage for well over 20 years, with little success. Over the years, I have met many wonderful men and been in relationships with several. However, it seems as though finding the RIGHT one for me has proven more challenging than I could have ever imagined.
Friends have told me things like my standards are too high, or that I should give someone a chance that clearly has qualities I would never want in my life. So as the topic turned to things we look for in the opposite sex, this brought me back to all of those conversations with my friends. So, are my expectations unrealistic? As I listened to others talk about what they are looking for, I came to realize that their expectations were different because they were not looking at it from a marriage standpoint, and I was. Since most of my friends hold the same view on marriage as those in the room, their expectations would be that of those present, also.
So why is it that most people my age want marriage? I have asked many, and most state they have been through the wringer with their exes and don’t want to do that again. Others state that they “don’t need a piece of paper to justify their relationship.” Again, I disagree. If someone truly loves me and does want to spend his life with me, he should not hesitate at that piece of paper. If he does, I would question his commitment to me. Now I realize some would argue this point, but I stand firmly on my belief. It is okay if you disagree. You see, to me marriage is sacred. It is far more than a piece of paper and a level of commitment. While others may not see it this way, I do. So I will trust in my belief that the right man is out there for me. I cannot and will not settle for less than I deserve. I am not asking for unrealistic expectations, but simply for love and a man who is okay with making the commitment of “I do.”
For those who have said to me that marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. Well, maybe that was your marriage. Allow me to have my own and make my own judgment on that.
Dating After 40 