It’s yet another weekend and it’s the same old thing – men cannot put their money where their mouth is.
You may wonder what I mean by this, so that is what this blog post is about. But first, allow me to recap why this blog even exists.
In today’s world of working from home, which I have been doing for 10 years, and people not being as friendly and community-oriented as they were in years past, it is hard to meet a man. Especially when you have passed a certain age. So, many folks resort to online dating.
Now, I am NOT bashing online dating. I have met some amazing men through online dating. I have even had some good relationships come out of online dating, but not the ONE permanent one I am looking for. Not THE one (that is still up for debate, as I did meet someone awhile back who fit that category for me).
I have experienced a lot of things during my decades, yes decades, of online dating between relationships. After all, I have basically been single my whole life, even though I had some relationships that lasted over 5 years. But in between, there is always the challenge and frustration of online dating.
So, back to my topic for today. It is the weekend and where are all the men? This is how it goes EVERY weekend!
All week long you hear from them, and they communicate, but as soon as Friday and the weekend roll around – all you get is silence. They cannot and will not commit to actually getting off their butts and meeting you!
Here is what I have come to see it means many times:
- They are married
- They are interested in someone else but want to string you along just in case it does not work out
- They really are not serious about finding someone and therefore purposely wasting your time
- They are not really interested in you but they are “bored” and want something to do
- Their ego needs stroking by having you in the line waiting
I am not saying all scenarios play out like that, but MOST DO! It is downright frustrating and annoying. And the fact that people love to waste my time is actually infuriating to me since I am actually serious about meeting someone.
So, here is my advice for the ladies out there who are going through the same thing.
First, ask them to connect with you on social media, Facebook preferably. Here’s why: almost everyone has a Facebook account here in the USA, and their profile tells you a LOT about them. Some things to look for are who are they friends with. I recently encountered some men whose friends were all booty chicks – definitely not the man of God he claimed to be on his dating profile.
Look at the pages he liked – this is under the three dots at the top of the profile. They can be very telling. Some things I have found on the pages were soft porn and actual porn, which I reported to Facebook and Facebook claims it does NOT go against their community standards (don’t even get me started on that one). It will help you understand what they are interested in and what is important to them. There are both good and bad that can come out of checking this out.
If they are married or in a relationship, this is what has played out for me. They either will not connect on Facebook OR they create this fake profile, usually with no friends, or maybe one, and usually, they do not use their photo on the profile. Many times the profiles do not actually have their actual names, either. They claim all kinds of things, but it usually goes something like this: My account was hacked and that is why I have this new profile (yeah, except when people create new accounts they use their REAL name and their REAL photo so people know to reconnect with them there). OR, they claim someone was stalking them and that is why they are “hiding or on the down-low.” Yeah, okay. I have been stalked in the past and I never claimed such obvious stupidity.
For other men, they just need their egos stroked. They want someone to talk to, they are bored, or they are men who will never ever commit, even though they claim to want that to attract women. To me, that is the sad state of men. This is what I see – cheating, lying, sad, and pathetic people who have no clue how to function, and many of them cannot even hold a real conversation.
Now, you may think I am being overly harsh, but hear me out. I have sat at home more weekends than I can count because of men who CLAIM to want to meet me. We talk about meeting during the upcoming weekend, and they never really solidify plans (God forbid – that would mean they actually need to act on it). They leave you hanging and anticipate meeting them based on conversations, only for you to never hear from them on the weekends. They disappear. POOF! Many will return the following Monday or Tuesday, like that is okay or something. It’s NOT!
So what can one do? Well, I can tell you what I am doing. I will give them two chances. That’s it. Why two? I give them a chance to redeem themselves. I do believe in redemption. If they cannot put into action what they speak, then how can they be trusted? They can’t. If they say they want to meet you, they talk to you about it and then leave you hanging, imagine what life would be like day to day! They are not dependable or trustworthy. Sure, they will come up with excuses. But excuses are just that – excuses. You cannot excuse bad behavior. You cannot excuse the disappointment you create for the other person. There is no excuse for this. Period.
Now, I am sure some of you will come up with all these crazy reasons this happened, but to me, it does not matter. I have been at this for a long time, and I have seen a lot and experienced a lot. If by midlife a man cannot follow through, then that is probably why he is single. By this stage in life, one should understand human nature and have the heart to act with consideration for others. No excuses.