I had given up on dating and men. In fact, I have not really dated in years, and I have not had a serious relationship in over a decade.
I know that sounds sad, but it really was by choice. The men I was meeting just were not even close to what I was looking for.
As a Christian woman, it is extremely hard to find a true Christian man. So often people say they are Christian, but they are not. A Christian puts God FIRST, and that shows up in words, actions, and lifestyle.
I ventured out into the dating game again. It was not something that I was super enthusiastic about since the last thing I needed was another heartbreak. In fact, one of the reasons I stopped dating was because I thought another heartbreak might just kill me. Really. I have had more than my fair share, but I have spent a LOT of time working on myself over the years.
I approached dating with caution back in June of 2022. I was talking to a few people and then I did go on ONE date with a man who was actually quite handsome. I do NOT use the word handsome lightly. I don’t even find most men who are my age attractive. So, I was pleasantly surprised to even find someone who I thought was attractive.
After MUCH back and forth (WAY too much in my opinion), we met for dinner. Things started out well with some light conversation. And then…
UGH!!!
He started complaining about an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him. He harbored way too much anger about the situation that was NOT recent.
This is a definite red flag for several reasons:
- Anger like that usually means that there are unresolved feelings.
- A display of anger like that is NOT attractive at any time, but especially on a first date.
- At one point he said that he threatened his friend who his girlfriend cheated with and told him to step outside to kick his A*&.
I honestly feel that by the time you are my age, if you have NOT been cheated on it is rare, and if you have not figured out how to manage the hurt and pain, then you never will. What was a bit alarming to me is that this man openly talked about wanting to beat up his friend. This was crazy to me. In NO way would I EVER want to be with a man who thinks that is acceptable behavior. EVER.
But this was not the only red flag this man flew. He had a whole collection of flags he was flying.
Red flag #2 had to do with his dogs. Yes, really. He hesitated to actually GO on the date because he worried about leaving his dogs at home. Um… My question to him was, “Well, don’t you leave them at home when you go to work?” Nope – his mom dog sits.
Okay, now I have a dog. In fact, I have had a dog for about 30 years. I have never once used my dog as an excuse. My dog is trained and even though he does not like being home alone, he is perfectly capable of doing it. Now, I realize not every dog and dog owner are the same, but if he cannot leave the house for a few hours for dinner, then how does he plan to date? Seriously, people can be so weird. I am often curious about how some manage to get through life.
But that is not all…
Red flag #3 was curiously interesting to me. This was something I have never experienced before and hope never to again.
During our conversation, he kept alluding to the fact that he thought I was attractive. While that is nice to hear, when someone dwells on it, that usually means that looks are the most important thing to them. And that is NOT the type of man I would ever want. Yes, there needs to be attraction and yes, I want someone who finds me very attractive, BUT there is so much more to me than looks and I need them to acknowledge that first – before looks.
This man was hung up on looks. So much so, that when I showed him a photo of me with my hair pulled up, he wrinkled his nose and told me I could wear my hair down when we went out. REALLY?! Controlling much? Pretentious much? Wow, this man was looking for arm candy and that was NOT me. This really put up all kinds of red flags and alarms for me.
On top of all of this, he was Mr. Octopus Arms (Red flag #4). WAY too grabby for me on a first date. Where is the respect?
This date made me curious. Is this what dating is like now?
After just ONE date, I took a break again. It felt hopeless. Where are all the decent men? Are there any out there?
In my next blog, you will learn some of those answers. Stay tuned.
Dating After 40 