Let’s face it. The Holidays can be challenging for many singles for a variety of reasons. Dating during these busy and sometimes stressful times can also prove challenging. While I will not say I have answers to these issues, I would like to share some of the challenges I encounter. By sharing, I hope this may help some others who feel as I do!
Loneliness
Singles can feel lonely on any given day, but during the Holidays this can be amplified by basic Holiday activities. For me, watching families just out enjoying shopping, or enjoying other Holiday fun can send me into a downward spiral that I don’t want to go down. While I am genuinely happy for these families, and especially my friends, when I see the joy they have with their families, it hits me hard that I want this also, and don’t have it. If I dwell on this too long, I am in trouble. The Holidays tend to make me think of all the things I don’t have that are so valuable.
When I was younger, I was so focused on having a husband, a family, a good job, the latest fashions, a nice house, and a nice car. Out of all of those things, there were only two that were really worth spending my time on. Since I felt education was the key to getting all of those material things I wanted in life, I lost focus on the things that mattered to me the most – a husband and family. I spent 10 years in the prime of my life in college to get my education while working my way up the corporate ladder. That did not leave me time to establish a solid relationship and several were destroyed in that time because they could not be properly nurtured. I wasted so much time on the things that really did not matter and not enough on the ones that did. The Holidays have a way of forcing me to think of these things when I watch others enjoying the families they have, and yearning for the ones I don’t have.
Bittersweet Family Gatherings
While I love seeing my family and thoroughly enjoy the time with them, there is a real disconnect at family gatherings for me. I listen to their banter of Christmas morning, the thrill of the children, and the gifts received by the adults, and can only wish I had someone to share those memories with. The Holidays are essentially very sad for me – and I haven’t even touched on New Year, yet! New Years’ Gatherings are extremely stressful, with everyone toasting with their significant others, and kissing on New Year’s Eve, and bringing in the new year with a new-found hope for their future together. While I know my New Year will hold promises I have not yet imagined, I cannot help but be brought to my knees at the thought of having another year alone without love in my life. Many of my single friends don’t really understand the deep desire and longing I have for being married. Many have spent years in marriage. I have not. At family gatherings, I feel a little left out and forgotten. I don’t have stories to share of Christmas morning, and I have received gifts from no one.
Someone to Enjoy Holiday Events With
Another stressful thing is going to Holiday events alone, being the third wheel, or just not going at all because you have no one to go with. Sure, many people go to events with friends, and that is great! I do, too! However, some events are just not the same without a special love in your life to enjoy them with. For someone who yearns for love, the Holidays can be a very lonely and stressful time.
Some Things That Can Help
As briefly mentioned above, there are some things you can do to alleviate stress and loneliness. Spending time with friends enjoying festivities certainly helps. You can find Holiday singles mixers to meet others just like you! You could do what I do and keep really busy, so you don’t have time to think about it. While most of us try to embrace being single and making the best of it, there are times when it can get to us. We all put on our brave faces and go out into the world, but brave faces do not change the way we feel inside.
Since this post is a little different than most of my posts, and the intention is to help others by letting them know they are not alone in how they feel, I would love to hear some things you do to manage the stress of being single during the Holidays.
Related articles
- Holiday BLUES… (goshabout.wordpress.com)
- The Emotional Weight of the Holidays (wonderfultips.wordpress.com)
- Surviving Loneliness Over the Holidays (psychologytoday.com)
Dating After 40 