I just had a little ‘incident’ this morning and feel compelled to write about it to caution all women, and educate men. It goes without saying that I don’t feel like I should have to educate anyone, but the fact is that some people just don’t get it.
Some of you may know that I not only write this blog, but I have a social media business. That means I spend hours on social media each and every day. As an online marketer, I connect with many people in the course of a month. Business cannot be created without the right connections. Many people connect with me because I am a social media marketer. I know this going in. While I absolutely love making connections with people who are sincere in their intentions, on occasion I run across a slimeball. Yes, a slimeball – you read that right.
Please allow me to explain why I use such a harsh word.
In life, we naturally want to connect with people. Many of us want to find someone to date, have a relationship with and even marry. While dating sites may be frustrating for some, they are the appropriate place to show interest in someone you are interested in dating. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and any other social media platform are not. While relationships may be built and grow into something else through social media platforms, one should never connect with someone on a social media platform with the intention of immediately messaging them with the intention of meeting them.
His next line was “We should get to know each other.” To Which I responded, “Isn’t that what Facebook is all about?” The whole way communication was started with no regard or respect for me. He wanted to “get to know me” based on what? A photo or two? I have no idea who this guy is.
Since I am online for my business, when I connect with someone on social platforms, my intention is the connection, not a date. If someone immediately starts hitting on me or states they want to get to know me, they are disrespecting my workspace and disrespecting me as a woman.
First, if we just connected, you know nothing about me except what you read on that particular social platform. This leads me to believe that you only want to know me based on the photos you see and not the content between my ears. This annoys me to no end and I find it totally disrespectful and degrading to me as a human being. I am a person, not to be objectified by male inappropriateness. Unless you really take the time to know me before expressing interest, you will get shot down. I don’t miss. I go for the jugular.
You see, dating after 40 has some huge advantages to dating in our younger years. First, we have heard all the BS and are not having any of that. Second, if you think we don’t know your game, you are fooling no one but yourself. Third, we have already established we do not NEED a man but merely WANT one. That means you have to prove you are worthy of our trust and affection.
So, ladies, when a man friends you on Facebook, shows you some attention be VERY cautious. Check out his profile. Are most of his connections women? If so, he is more than likely saying the same thing to many women hoping one lets her guard down. Please be smart and don’t be that one. Plus, you do not want to end of one of the many women in his life when he is insisting you are the only one.
There are many stories about women being wooed online by someone in a far off place, they come to town, disappear for periods of time. Later the woman is left broke and alone, her life savings stolen by this “wonderful” guy she met online. There are men who prey on women for money, sex, and other things, Some are scam artists, and some have families in another state. They create online personas to find their next victim. Don’t be that person. Be cautious!
This man’s profile says he is from Idaho. I live on the East Coast. In order for us to get to know each other one would need to travel. A predator will want to either get you in his territory, where you are unfamiliar, or come to you if he is trying to hide a life he does not want you to know about. Now, I am not saying that was this guy’s intention but is sure was creepy he way it played out. Out of 116 friends, only 4 are men. Not only that we have 7 common friends, all of which are networking friends on the East Coast, where he does NOT live. It is obvious to me that he went through my friends’ lists and selected random women to connect with on Facebook.
I am absolutely NOT saying this man is any of these things, but there are many other concerns women need to be aware of when approached randomly like this. There are rapists, child molesters and a variety of other deviant personality types on social media who target and prey on women and children. Sadly, it has to be something we consider when a connection just feels off for some reason.
Now, men, this is not to say you cannot meet someone and get to know her on social media. I am just saying be smart and be respectful. Most women do understand that men are visual creatures, but that does not mean we want to feel like a piece of meat. If you are interested in someone you connect with online, first make sure your intentions are honorable. No woman deserves less than that. Take the time to get to know her on her social media account. Interact with her honestly and respectfully. Take the time to learn about her interests, likes and dislikes. In doing this, you will know if you really do want to know her better, and she will know if she wants to know you.
Allow the relationship to progress naturally. Don’t force it. Forcing something before it is ready to show up may not allow it to show up at all. And please, above all, do not invade her online space by commenting on every post. That tends to be creepy and makes you seem like a stalker. Use good judgment and be smart about your communication.
Social media is NOT a dating site. While we may find our true love on social media, the approach MUST be different than on a dating site or it is creepy and invasive. Although I have used gender roles above, I do understand that gender roles can be reversed in these situations, also. So the application goes both directions. Since I am female and I write about my experiences, I do write from a female perspective.
DO connect, but be smart in communication and be cautious when meeting. If you choose to meet someone in person you meet on social media, I would consider doing a background check if ANYTHING seems off. It is better to be cautious and alive than the alternative. On a side note, I do want to say that most people online are legitimate and their intentions are true. This article is about the ones who are questionable.
2 thoughts on “The Role of Social Media in Online Dating”
Hi Lisa, I just heard you talk about this post on Periscope, and had to check it out. Almost nine years ago I met a guy in an Internet business conference chat room. He was talking about something I wanted more information on, so we exchanged IM info and talked privately afterwards. The minute we started talking, it seemed as if we had known each other for years, and we both ended up spilling pretty much our entire life stories. I’ve always been leery of guys I meet online, because most of them seem to be ‘looking.’ The precise reason I trusted this particular guy was because he made it clear that he was NOT looking, and neither was I. Besides, I was in Texas and he was in Australia.
I happened to mention that my computer was running slow, and he offered to help me fix it. I knew nothing about computers other than how to turn them on and do whatever it was I needed to do, so I had never cleared the cache, browsing history, etc. never done a defrag or even a comprehensive virus/malware scan. This guy spent the next TWO DAYS walking me through everything I needed to do to get it cleaned up, which got me to wondering who this guy was on the other side of the planet willing to spend so much time helping out a stranger. Although he didn’t feel like a stranger by then, and we were chatting almost constantly. Long story short, it was March 2007 that we started talking, I sent him a plane ticket to come visit me in August, we spent three weeks together, and missed each other like crazy when he left. So he came back in November, we got married, spent a month with my family in Michigan, I went back to Australia with him, and we’ve been together ever since. Happiest relationship I’ve ever had.
Wow! What an awesome story! It gives me hope!! It is so hard to find a compatible NICE guy who is respectful and a gentleman. Thank you for sharing your story. It is so inspiring!!