This past week I had the distinct pleasure of attending a teleconference based on the book The Love Lies by Debrena Jackson Gandy. I had no idea what to expect since I have attended calls on this subject matter in the past and have come away disappointed in them. I attended this call because it was part of my friend Lougenia Trailblazer Rucker of Divine Diamond Ministries’ Wisdom Speaks Series. This time I was pleasantly surprised by the information discussed, as I should have expected from this knockout duo!
Debrena Jackson Gandy started out by talking about being a girl vs. being a woman. I knew immediately what she was talking about. Although most of us should know better, we tend to buy into the lies told to us by American culture and the media. We are programmed from a very young age to see relationships and love a certain way, as fed to us by the media. The problem is, these are but pipe dreams based little on truth. We are told we need to find love and we need to be worthy of love. Society tells us things should flow a certain way – and we buy it hook, line and sinker! We are reacting to our environment and being girls (immature) instead of acting as mature women who have knowledge and truth.
You see, society teaches girls about relationships from a place of fear and scarcity. Fear that we need to find someone before it’s too late. Fear that if we don’t we are somehow not good enough or unlovable. Fear that we won’t find someone. Scarcity refers to the term soul mate, which I have previously said I do not believe in. Soul mate implies there is one – one in a world of billions!! It implies we had better start “looking” because we have a lot of work to do if we are to find that needle in a haystack! This was exactly my argument for not believing in a soul mate. There is NOT just one – plain and simple. Who created this term and who decided there was just one person for each of us in this world of billions of people? To a logical mind, this does not make any sense. Yet many people buy into this.
Ms. Jackson Gandy went on to say that relationships are built on love and truth. Well, yeah, but whose truth? Her answer to that is God’s truth. Her book The Love Lies is based on truths she found in the Bible. The truth about how God sees relationships and love, not how we as humans degrade it to be something so much less than what it should be or what we deserve.
The next point that hit home with me was that many women feel incomplete without a man, or are told by society they are incomplete without a man. I know this one all too well. I must have been asked hundreds of times in my life when I am going to find a guy and get married. My answer has always been the same. I will get married when I find a man worthy of marrying, and that hasn’t happened yet. The thing is, I do not need a man to complete me, to feel okay with me, or to make me feel like a woman. Sure, I would love to get married, but ONLY to the right man. Ms. Jackson Gandy took it even further by saying that women were a gift to man from God. If this is the case, why do so many women devalue this fact? We settle, give in to men’s desires, and compromise our own values for men! Why are we not treating ourselves like the true gift we are? If we dig deep and really look at how God created us, we would know we are a true gift. My big take from this part of the discussion is that we should never, ever allow men to not treat us as a gift. So many of us do. We need to stop!
Since I have always taken the stance of courtship and respect, I was thrilled to hear someone else agree with my position on these things. I have been ridiculed many times over my position on relationships and marriage. That is okay, though, because these are all personal decisions based on what we decide is a real truth. Compromise should never be an option. Having a relationship that is not what it should be should not be an option either. I hold my position not to settle or compromise my values just to have a husband.
If you have been “searching” for love and have not “found” it, or you just want to throw your hands up when it comes to relationships, reading The Love Lies may give you a different perspective. Love starts with YOU. Give yourself a fresh perspective and start getting rid of all those lies society has told us. While we all form our own opinions based on our realities, it never hurts to look at another way of thinking. Decide for yourself. Get a preview of the book on the next teleconference call on April 16, 2015. I have included links below for the book, the teleconference, and Divine Diamond Ministries.
Get your copy of The Love Lies: http://www.amazon.com/Debrena-Jackson-Gandy/e/B000APHO9U
Follow Debrena Jackson Gandy on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Debrena-Jackson-Gandy/141807847439
To learn more about Lougenia Trailblazer Rucker and Divine Diamond Ministries, join her community and/or attend the next FREE teleconference on April 16, 2015: http://divinediamondsministries.ning.com/
Join Divine Diamond Ministries on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/243382975782600/