Ah, chemistry! I have heard this word thrown around so much over my long dating life. This word has always puzzled me because I have seen it used in situations where it made absolutely no sense. So I decided to really explore this word today.
In the context of relationships, “chemistry” refers to the natural connection or rapport felt between two people.
So let’s start by looking at the actual definition of chemistry:
Chemistry (noun): the complex emotional or psychological interaction between people. It is often described as an unspoken mutual understanding or connection.
Source: Lexico Dictionary by Oxford
And…
Chemistry (noun): An interpersonal feeling or connection that results in a good relationship or interaction between people.
Source: Cambridge Dictionary
When most people use the term “chemistry” in the context of relationships, they are referring to a strong mutual attraction, rapport, or connection between two individuals. It often implies a natural compatibility, understanding, and positive dynamic between people.
What I find fascinating about these definitions and how they are used is that I have seen people use chemistry as an excuse when there is obvious chemistry – physically, emotionally, and compatible.
And that is why I wanted to explore this word. I have seen this word used where it makes no sense. Where there is obvious chemistry and compatibility. And this left me puzzled, so I dug deeper to explore what could be behind this (what I see as an) excuse.
You see, when someone says they don’t want to see you because there is no chemistry, they’re typically indicating that they don’t feel a strong mutual attraction, connection, or spark between the two of you. It suggests that they don’t perceive the relationship as having the potential for a romantic or emotional connection, and they may feel that the interaction is not as engaging or fulfilling as they would like it to be. Essentially, they are expressing that they do not feel the natural rapport or compatibility that they desire in a relationship.
So then, what if that is just not true? What if there is mutual attraction and connection? What if the rapport and compatibility are strong in the relationship and there is so much there that is positive and you still hear this word?
Well, there could be a few things going on…
If there is a natural rapport, compatibility, and attraction between two individuals yet one person still says there is no chemistry, it could mean a couple of things:
Communication Style: The person may feel that there is a mismatch in communication styles, emotional expressions, or ways of connecting, even though there is compatibility on other levels.
Expectations or Needs: They might have specific expectations or needs in a relationship that are not being met, even though there is a strong connection present.
Timing or Circumstances: External factors such as timing, life circumstances, or personal issues could be influencing their perception of the relationship, causing them to feel that the chemistry is lacking.
Ultimately, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with the person to understand their specific reasons for saying there is no chemistry, even if the elements of natural rapport, compatibility, and attraction are present.
To be honest, I do not even like the word chemistry. I think many people use this as a catchall and often an excuse. I think people use this word to avoid having real conversations about what their needs really are. They dismiss people with this word instead of looking at what amazing things are right in front of them and having real conversations to come to a good place together.
If you have been dating a while, as I have, you know how hard it is to find someone who is truly amazing to spend your life with. And when that person comes along, letting them go instead of having the real conversation that could provide the relationship with everything it needs to be strong and flourish is tragic.
The right person and love are not easy to come by these days, especially if you are as strong a Christian as I am. So when you find the right one, the one you can fully connect with, the one you can be your true self with, the one you cannot live without, then it is absolutely insane to let that person go. God’s connections, love, rapport, compatibility, life goals, seeing the world the same way, and finding that one you do not want to live without do not come along every day.
Have faith and stay in prayer. God WILL work it out for you. When God sends that person to you, He will also provide a way.
Dating After 40 