What is clutter? Merriam Webster defines clutter as “a crowded or confused mass or collection.” So what does that have to do with dating? A LOT! While most of us think of clutter as something we have in our home, what we may not realize is that we all carry around mental and emotional clutter – the collection of life experiences that clogs our brains and prevents us from moving forward with our lives in a healthy way. Think about it this way – what often happens in the home of someone who has a lot of clutter? They tend to become complacent and the clutter starts to accumulate. This can happen in our brains, also, if we are not paying attention.
In verb form, to clutter means “to fill or cover with scattered or disordered things that impede movement or reduce effectiveness.” With this definition, it is easy to see how clutter would prevent us from successfully finding the right person for us. Our brains can be scattered and disordered, which prevents us from moving forward to the right person. Did you ever notice that some people date people who are very similar to a previous partner? The same issues arise in the new relationship as they did in previous relationships. Well, this is because they are not moving forward and are stuck in their own clutter. Having a lot of clutter absolutely reduces our effectiveness in finding the right partner because there is no room in our brains to properly process the reality of the other person. Our brains contain so much chaos, excess, and frustration, and it overwhelms us to come to the right conclusion because we cannot even find room in our heads for all the information we need to make that decision.
So what is all this clutter that is clogging our senses and making us unable to logically find the right person? Some of it is baggage from our past and emotional baggage we gain throughout our lives and have never dealt with. Some of it is from our daily lives, which tend to be a lot busier than they were a few decades ago. We are so busy today with so much on our plates, we rarely take the time to assess all the “stuff” we are carrying around that is preventing us from living our fullest lives. Some never even give this a thought.
I know when I was younger, I never realized all the emotional baggage I carried from my childhood. It took me until well into my 30’s to understand it all and where it all came from. But once we realize that it is there and what form it takes, we need to understand it and recognize exactly how it is manifesting itself into our lives today. Some of us may need to seek professional help to really get to the core, but if that is not an option, understanding that it is there will at least help some. I challenge you to assess what your clutter is. Write it down! If you are not finding the relationship you want, more than likely you are carrying around some kind of clutter that is preventing you from finding what you need! It is important that you take time to really be alone and honestly assess the emotional clutter that is preventing you from living a happy life. You only have things to gain by truly understanding what is blocking you from your dream of a healthy and fulfilling relationship! Throw as much of the clutter out the door as you can! There may be some left, but we will explore that. too!