There is no doubt about it – first impressions count and they make a lasting impression! Here is where so many men (I can only write what I know and I have no idea what other women write) mess up. On top of the need for a certain level of attraction, there is also the need for a certain level of intelligence and creativity.
A great profile is wonderful, but it is only the starting point. How you communicate with potential dates says more about who you actually are than anything you write in your profile. I will be addressing some of the biggest turn-offs I come across and explain why they make negative impressions. I seriously believe men should take a course in Online Dating 101 because more than half of the first contacts I receive fall into one or more of these categories (and they either get a no reply or a negative reply from me).
The One-Liner
These guys send you one word or thought and call it an “email”. “Hi” and “Hello” does not make an email, nor does it warrant a response from any woman with a brain. What this says about you is that you are lazy and want to leave all the thought up to the woman you send this nonsense to. You are refusing to use your brain, or acknowledge that she actually wrote a profile. You are leaving the whole conversation up to her because you are plain old lazy. I delete every one of these so-called emails. Intelligent women want to date someone who has a brain and can think of something intelligent to say to them. They have no time for this nonsense, which should have ended back in high school. We want to know that a man that says he wants to get to know us, actually used his brain and thought about who we are based on what we wrote in our profiles.
The Question One-Liner
Here’s another one that requires no brain power: “How are you?” Any variation of this one is exactly the same as the basic one-liner. It is thoughtless and a desperate show of throwing something out there and seeing if it sticks. Really guys, we are much smarter than this. Do you really want someone who sees you as desperate and unable to think for yourself? Another variation of this is: “What are you doing this evening?” Wow, really? I find this one to be an invasion of my privacy. I am usually inclined to make up something sensational, just to get a rise out of the guy for kicks, but then he may think I am actually interested. We don’t really have time for this. Plain and simple – it is none of your business what we are doing, or who with, unless you know us and are our significant other!
The Looks Comments
“You’re pretty”, “You’re beautiful”, “I love your smile” and all variations of comments on looks are among the most annoying conversation starters. Guys, really, we want to know you want to know us, not sleep with us. While you may be thinking of the latter, you need to be smart and keep the looks part under wraps until later. When you start a conversation like this, many of us think you only have one thing in mind. Plus, we doubt very much you even took the time to read out profiles. We want to know you want to truly know us as human beings, not just sleep with us! When you start out like this, many of us will run the other direction. While we all like compliments and we all like to know we are desired, we want to know there are REAL reasons you want to go out with us.
Using Text Abbreviations When Communicating
Honestly, do you know how to spell and write a complete sentence? We want to know you do! We do not have the time to decode every email you send us. Make it simple and spell things out, and use complete sentences! We want to know you have a firm grasp of the English language! I, for one, delete all messages that are not written out in English. If you cannot take the time to write a complete sentence, why should we waste our time decoding and trying to figure out what on earth you are saying?
Sending (or asking for) Personal Email Information or Phone Numbers on First Contact
Dating sites were established to be a platform where we are able to meet people to date, while keeping our personal information private – the key word being private! These sites gather and retain information about their members. Others may differ on this view, but I never ever give out my personal information to guys on dating sites. Think of it this way – do we really want all these strangers to have our phone numbers and personal email addresses? We do not know you! Plus, women are asked by every Tom, Dick, and Harry for their number on dating sites. If we gave out our numbers to all who want them, there would be hundreds of strangers out there with our personal information.
Also, as I addressed previously, these men could be scam artists. It is never okay to request someone’s personal information up front on a dating site. Men, if you really want to know us, you will pay for a 30 day membership and get to know us. If we are not worth that to you, why should we provide you our personal information? We all need to be smart when dating online. Being courteous and respectful includes not pushing for someone’s personal information. After all, the dating site already does provide a platform for communication.
In conclusion, I would love to hear some other definite “No” emails you have received in your online dating experiences! Please feel free to comment on what you have experienced!
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I’ve experienced all those scenarios too, and learned to ignore them. Before I got smart, I responded to one email in which the guy only stated “Nice Smile”. I wanted to replay with something along the lines of “So?” Instead, I simply replied “Thank you”.
He wrote back, seemingly angry, with “I that all you have to say?”
Really. DELETE. IGNORE.
My pet peeve is still about the men who write a short paragraph that reveals nothing much about them – usually more of what they are hoping to find in a woman. Then they finish the brevity with “If you think this might be you, please contact me”. IGNORE. PASS.
Yeah, Profile Writing 101 should be a course that is passed and the results monitored to ensure they put that learnin’ to use!
It sounds like you have experienced the same kind of things I am talking about. I think most of us go through a period until we learn what each scenario usually means. I have answered the how are you today with “Fine” just to see if they can come back with anything that shows signs of life. Usually not. Sadm actually.
Your second example shows a very self centered man. He wants what he wants and does not care what it is you want. It is all about him and his need – DEFINITELY PASS!!!
I actually responded to a guy one time and told him I was thinking of starting a business to teach men what NOT to say online when trying to date online. I got no reply back! lol I just couldn’t help myself! I get so annoyed with inane banter that means nothing.
Yep, online dating sites are proving to be a great training ground for holding my tongue and finding humor where none was intended to be.
I often wonder if you (or anyone) began a business of helping men with their online profiles how well-received it would be? Like “build it and they will come”?
Or would arrogance and egos keep them away?
Just thinkin’…
This was actually a serious consideration for me. I think there are men who would welcome the constructive help to find someone and those who would be too arrogant to recognize they need help. And then there are always those whose egos tell them they are God’s gift to women! lol A sensible man will acknowledge the situation and receive help where he knows he needs it. That is really the only man I would want anyway!