Tag: lifestyle

A More Active First Date

Published on by Lisa BalthaserLeave a comment

Some people prefer a more active date than dinner, brunch, or coffee.  There are plenty of things to do on a first date that are also great for getting to know someone.  The first option is to go to a park, garden, or other recreation area for a stroll.  In this environment, you have the opportunity to talk and get to know each other without having to stare at each other across a table.  If you both like horticulture, go to a garden and enjoy that while getting to know each other.  I will put out a few cautions here, though.  If you do choose something like this and you have never met the person before, make sure you are going to a place that there are other people and you feel safe.  Do not go for a walk on secluded paths, such as hiking, until you know the person you are with. While this should go without saying, sometimes when we communicate online, we feel like we know the person a little – WE DON’T.  Stop for ice cream or a frosty drink on a hot day and enjoy that while chatting.

  If you prefer something a little more active, you could opt for a short bike ride together, or even ice skating at a local rink in the winter.  Anything you both agree is fun, but always make sure you are around other people on a first date.  Shooting pool or Quizzo at the local hang out are some other options you may want to explore, if they are of interest to both of you.

While there are many things to do on a first date that provide ample time to get to know each other, there are also some things I would not recommend.  Steer clear of movies, theater, bars with loud music, sports events, concerts, or any other similar venue.  While you both may enjoy some of these activities, they do not provide ample time to talk and get to know each other – and that is the whole point of a first date.  Save these things for later.  If you do find your Mr. Maybe there will be plenty of time to enjoy these things together in the future.  Right now, on your first date, your goal should be to walk away from the date with a feel for who your date is as a person.

Again, my recommendation would be to keep your activity date short.  You do not want to overwhelm your date by appearing too needy.  Prior to your date, make a list of things you would like to know about your date, and have them in your head as conversation subjects.  Do not blast them off like you are interviewing your date, but get them to flow into the conversation naturally when the time is appropriate.  Make a point to guide to conversation to those areas if you need to, but make sure you get your questions answered.  You want to walk away from your date feeling like you have as accurate an assessment of your date as possible from one date.  Most importantly, don’t forget this is a date!!  Relax and enjoy the date.  The more you smile and laugh, the more attractive you will be!

First Date Dilemma

Published on by Lisa Balthaser1 Comment

First dates are all about getting to know a little more about each other and seeing if there is enough there to take it further.  In our eagerness to find love, sometimes we forget the importance of keeping this initial contact light and brief.  Of course, much will depend on how much communication you have had with each other prior to meeting, also.  The whole idea about this first meeting is not to spend the day together, but to share a brief time together, learn about each other, size each other up, and see how you interact with each other.

 

Coffee, Brunch, Breakfast and Other Early Options

One of my favorite times to meet someone is early in the day.  The reason I like these options so much is that is provides for a more relaxed and stress-free meeting.  If you choose to meet for coffee, the meeting can be as brief as either of you wants it to be.  If you are really unsure, I would stick with a coffee meeting so you do not have to be there long, if you do not want to.  This is also a very inexpensive way to meet, if you are unsure of the person prior to meeting.

Brunch and breakfast are also low-cost options that provide minimal stress for both parties.  These options give you a little more time together to get to know each other.  Because brunch and breakfast are generally served very quickly or are buffet style, you still have a fairly easy out if the date is not working out for you.  I really enjoy the light early day atmosphere of these type of dates.  It provides a great environment for talking without all the potential pressures of a dinner date.  The only down side of this is that many restaurants do brunch only on Sundays, and that means if you attend Sunday religious services, you have very limited options on a Saturday.

If your date goes well, you are both available, and you want to do something else together, this early date provides ample time to spend even more time together.  I will add a caution here, though.  I would not overdo the time together on this initial meeting.  Men tend to feel overwhelmed and may want to pull away if you seem too needy on this first date.  Use good judgment on the amount of time to choose to spend together on the first date.

   Dinner or Drinks

My advice here would be to NOT do just drinks.  First off, it is very hard to have an actual conversation in many of the places where drinks are served.  The whole idea is to get to know each other, and that cannot be accomplished.  The other caution I will mention is that when you meet a complete stranger for drinks, you should always use extreme caution.  Never leave your drink unattended – EVER!  If you must use the restroom, finish your drink and tell your date you do not want another one, even if you do.  You can always order one when you get back.  I also caution on meeting for drinks because it is not wise to drink alcohol with no food on a date where you are trying to evaluate someone to potentially have a relationship with.  I am not saying you should not have a drink, but only to use caution and good judgment.

My choice here would always be a nice dinner – and by nice, I do not mean it has to be expensive.  There are plenty of great date restaurants that offer affordable food, a nice wine selection, and great atmosphere to talk.  These are not your chain restaurants, either.  Choose something cozy, so you can have a nice conversation.  This atmosphere is great for gauging chemistry and attraction to each other.  Relax, enjoy your date and get to know each other!  It is all in the journey, so enjoy the ride!

Identifying Sources of Conflict

Published on by Lisa Balthaser2 Comments

By the time we reach our 40’s, most of us are fairly set in our ways.  We have lived full lives and experienced many things, both good and bad.  Dating at this stage in life and beyond can pose some interesting challenges as we try to blend lives together that were very set by themselves.  When I am evaluating a man, I think a lot about lifestyle and personality.  While I am fairly active, work out, like to do outdoor activities, someone who is at the gym every day, is an avid attendee and player of sports, and likes camping may not be the right guy for me.  While there is nothing wrong with having some differences here, each person really needs to evaluate how lifestyle and habits can create conflict, and just how big that conflict could potentially be.  While we cannot avoid some conflict in relationships, if we are honest with ourselves, we can certainly avoid major issues that could destroy a potential future together.  I tend to take a more practical and systematic approach to this than many people, so if you choose to loosen the reigns on this one a little, go with what you feel is right for you.

Some things to consider when thinking about conflict are  ethics, values, and integrity.  This is basically the core of who we are as individuals, and very important when considering a relationship with someone.  For instance, I once had a man lie on his online dating profile about his age – and not by a little, either!  He was 8 years older than he claimed to be and he was already 2 years older than I usually consider date material for me at the age he told me!  I was at the restaurant a full half hour before I realized he had been standing right next to me and looked nothing like the guy I thought I was meeting.  Men (and women), really, if you are intending on meeting someone who you want to potentially have a future with, you cannot start out with a lie before you even meet them!!  And please, please, please look at least somewhat like the picture you post on your online profile.  My philosophy on this is I do not have time to waste on dating someone I would not consider a relationship with, so why waste my time and theirs.  It does not make any sense.   Starting off with a lie cannot lead to anything promising.  Beware if this happens to you and they try to explain it away with well concocted stories.  I would not buy it, and you should not either.   Honesty and integrity are things we all want in a potential partner, and there is just no excuse for blatant lies.

We also need to look at how ethical someone is.  For instance, how do they deal with their bills?  Are they paid on time?  Are they conscientious of making sure that happens?  Do they spend frivolously?  Do they have car insurance (in some cities this is something you may want to consider checking).  If someone is always looking to get over on the system, is that someone you really want in your life? Is it a lifestyle you would consider living?  All of these things are just some examples of some basic core values. There are many others you may want to consider.

 By taking the time to identify potential sources of major conflicts now, you are saving yourself from potential future headaches and heartache.  We only get one life, so why not spend it with the people who are headed in the same direction as you are?  There is no race to find your Mr. Maybe.  It may take some time.  The important thing here is that you do not lower your standards to live a life that compromises who you are and does not make you happy.  Dating after 40 is hard!  We all have some sort of baggage at this point, but there are some really wonderful men out there and they are worth waiting for!  Run through life with a smile on your face and happiness in your heart.  Take the time to weed out the things you know will create conflict.  Live a better and fuller life – even if that means for now you are spending it with your girlfriends!  Mr. Maybe is worth the wait, don’t settle for Mr. Wrong!